ok, teh thing about the CIA is that it originally doesn't stand 4 "Central Intelligence Agency". no, the super-duper secret about this fuckin agency is that it stands 4 "Cock In Ass", which is defininitely an appropriate name, right? bcuz teh reason that teh CIA was so secret was that it was actually a cover 4 men adjacent 2 teh government 2 engage in lots of really hot, steamy acts of gay sex.

and this, my friend, is what maeks teh CIA so special. nawt only do ppl spy on each other, there's also a room of secretly captured russian agents around glory holes, and if u put ur wang in them, u can get a blow job from a KGB agent we captured. and teh truth is that KGB stands 4 "Kock Gobbling Bastards" when translitererated into english, but bcuz of language differerences, teh "cock" starts with a "k".

we had our hands in all kinds of affairs, leik when u have an affair with ur wife bcuz its the 1950s and ur secretly gay. we came up with all kinds of secret ideas, liek ways 2 put a recording device in teh kremlin bathroom so we could listen 2 gorbachev pee. it was ok, but just listening 2 a guy taek a leak is kind of boring. liek in teh internet age there's lots of porno vids with guys peeing and stuff so who cares?

but in order 2 maintain teh facade that covered up all teh gay sex, we had 2 do some shit liek smuggle cocaine into teh USA and introduce crack cocaine 2 ppl who had the misfortune of not being white. so ok. we did that. and liek, we sampled some of teh cocaine, and we were liek "holy shit, this stuff is great!" and it really enhanced our understanding of how great life could be if we completely degenerated into one big cocaine-fuelled gay orgy.

so it was pretty cool. somewhere along teh lines we started summoning demons from other dimensions and putting them in the brains of republicans and televangelists. was this a nice thing 2 do? hell yes, bcuz it gave them lots of superpowers 2 do cool things liek do 69 with teh pope when he visited. why?? bcuz that's just what powerful ppl do: we are all secretly gay, and we are using secret cameras 2 plot how 2 get demons 2 fuck u in teh ass.